It Takes Time
The people I have known over the years who had the most satisfying experiences with their horses were the people who spent a lot of time with them. By and large they never went to clinics, never bought horse training books and videos, and never consciously used any training methods at all. It wasn't that they were natural geniuses at horse training; as I said, they ususally never trained at all. They simply genuinely liked their horses and spent a lot of time with them. As a result, they developed a genuine relationship with their horses based on caring. I know there's a lot of talk going around now in the popular horse training circles about things like trust and partnership, but I have to wonder...because the methods employed are still based on force in one form or another. Strip off the marketing stuff about trust and partnership, and you are left with "If I have to, I will make you do it."
When I was a lot younger, I decided to take up calf-roping. I didn't have much money back then, and my horse was a seven-year old gelding I had bought dirt cheap from the car shed of a man who lived a couple of miles from me. Of course he wasn't registered--didn't have Bar or Poco in his name (those were the big names back then.) And his conformation wasn't all that good, either. But I loved him, and he was a great horse. We spent a lot of time together. Back then I rode every day--rain or shine, hot or cold, day or night, it didn't matter--I rode. It would be just me and Flash going down the dirt roads, riding in the ring, or through the woods. We developed a relationship based on caring. We needed each other, and we both knew it.
And so when I decided to start calf-roping, there was no question but that Flash would become my roping horse. Now I realize that there are all sorts of clinics and books and videos out there telling you how to get your horse used to a rope and the pressure of holding a calf, but back then I had no idea such things existed. And, I never really thought about needing someone to show me how to do it. I just used common sense, and Flash and I learned together. I think he just instinctively knew that what I was doing with that rope and stuff wouldn't hurt him. He probably thought, "Well, this is just another stage that Tim's going through, and I'll see him through it." He made a great roping horse, and we calf-roped for quite a while until my conscience started bothering me about jerking all those baby calves around and quit. But anyway.....Flash and I were a team at the roping thing. I never pushed him. If I sensed he was uncomfortable in a situation, I backed off. And of course he helped me out several times, too....like the first time I caught a calf in an actual rodeo and then froze before tying when I looked up and saw the crowd in the bleachers....
There's a lot of talk about "relationships" now in horse training circles, but what do they mean by "relationship?" You can have a relationship based on many things--force, punishment, pain, fear, etc. So it's not just any relationship that we need with our horses, it's a relationship based on caring.
Such a relationship can't be developed by using shortcuts; it takes time. And I think really, that's the reason people search and search for the "right" horse training method--they're looking for a shortcut. They're willing to spend a lot of money on books, videos, and clinics, but they're not willing to spend the time. It's possible to develop a relationship based on force in a very short time--just get out the spurs or whip or training stick and you have an instant relationship. But that's not the kind of relationship we need with our horse. And I think that's obvious. You see, if such an instant, force-based relationship actually helped people with their horses, why would there be such a gang of clincians and trainers out there? Why would there be such a market for the next "new" one...why would there be so many around, each with their own "unique" angle? After all, the first one would have solved everyone's problems, so why would anyone be interested in what the other 500 or so have to say?
The relationship that you need with your horse must be based on caring. So how do you develop that? Think about your relationship with your spouse or children...what does that require? Well, it requires time. And it requires that you yourself actually do care. I think most people, deep down, really do care about their horses, so what is usually lacking is time. You've simply got to be willing to spend time with your horse. You can go to all the clinics you want to and buy all the books and videos you can find looking for a shortcut, but in the final analysis, if you aren't willing to spend time with your horse, you'll continue to have the same old problems over and over.
When I had a hoof care practice, I saw over and over again how people looked for a magic shoe or magic trim or magic supplement to make the hooves healthy and problem free. And they bounced from shoe to trim to supplement, looking for the magic, instant solution--but they never found it. And the same is true in the horse training industry. People bounce from one trainer and clinician to the other (that's why there are so many of them out there) looking for instant and easy solutions.
There is no magic horse training method. There is no clinician out there with a magic method. You have the "magic method" right now. And it's not complicated. It's nothing more than simple time. It's nothing more than you going out to that horse as often as you can, not asking anything from the horse, but just being there, just being willing to spend time with your horse. It's odd when I think of the time that people spend watching videos, reading books and magazines, going to clinics, and discussing various training gurus with their friends...how much better that time would be spent simply being with their horse. Not riding, not working in a round pen, not doing ground work...but simply spending time with their horse. You don't develop a caring relationship with your horse by riding, or by doing ground work, or by working in a round pen, or by using a training stick (i.e., "extension of your arm"), you develop a caring relationship with your horse simply by being there.
